The Ultimate Sinus Destroyer
Yes, you read that right.
There is not a stuffy nose that can survive the infernal power packed inside this salsa. Disclaimer, I am not responsible for providing the amount of tissues you'll need to get through a single serving.
A little back story:
My husband lives off chips and salsa. It's the main staple of his diet. Problem is, there's no salsa on earth or any grocery store shelf hot enough to satisfy his strange, psychotic need to burn the buds of his poor, helpless tongue.
I decided, "How hard can it be? I can something spicier at home."
It WAS hard, guys. Really hard. I tried AT LEAST ten thousand recipes, interviewed countless professionals, and after endless trial and error batches, I FINALLY found the perfect combination that creates a salsa so hot, yes flavorfully delicious, that my husband smiled in delight as his scalding sweat dripped off his chin, soaking his shirt.
I will share with you my recipe for the Ultimate Sinus Destroyer.
Pen and paper ready?
1) First, and most importantly, are the seasonings and base, of course! It took a lot of combinations to find the one that took this recipe to the next level.
Start with a can of Hunt's tomato sauce.(I found this brand to have the best flavor.) I don't use exact measurements, really, so next dump whatever amount you like until it's too taste, but I recommend at least a half a teaspoon each of cumin, garlic powder, cayenne, salt, pepper, sugar (very important, cuts down the acid) and a healthy squirt of lime juice! Add these at the end.
2) Next, grab a few, fat handfulls of serranos, habeńeros, and jalapeños. A medium sized yellow onion, and a thick bunch of cilantro. Proceed to dice into blendable sized chunks.
3) VERY IMPORTANT!
Make sure to blend the tomato sauce, onions, and cilantro together BEFORE adding your peppers. One, it keeps the other vegetables from getting to chunky and taking over the salsa, plus it keeps the blender blades from clogging up if you try to blend them all at once. I learned this the hard way.
4) Add all your gorgeous peppers! Don't the habeńeros look like little Hawaiian flowers? Don't be fooled. They'll try to kill you if you're not careful.
Blend in all the peppers and add your seasonings. I usually taste it a couple times, of course, and add more seasonings as needed. I find that the lime juice really takes the flavors to the next level.
It's that easy!
After everything is properly mixed, garnish and serve!
Now, please be warned, when I mentioned this salsa was hot, I wasn't playing with you. I found a salsa master that taught me that to have the hottest salsa, you have to use tomato only as the base. Any chopped tomato will kill the infernal death hiding inside the pepper's deadly seeds.
While I don't know if this is true scientifically, once I cut the diced tomatoes out, this recipe went from, "Owie, my tongue" to me wheezing over my sink, unable to see past my tears, snot pouring from my nose like someone kicked the top of a spicket.
Be warned. But please, try some!
Make some for your friends, *cough* or enemies. I don't care, but please share in the comments what you think!